Tip #11: Attend weddings

Ah, weddings. They have a mystique that's all their own. Songs are sung about them. Compositions, books, films, poems, and plays are written about them. There's even a whole slew of reality TV shows about them. It's enough to make you sick, really. For those who are not in any kind of committed relationship, going to a wedding can feel like going back to a high school graduation as an adult. Unless close friends or family are involved, all the pomp and circumstance, the warm hugs, the cozy feelings, the gifts, the excitement about starting a new chapter in life can seem a bit distant. Even if you had the experience of graduating high school, you're aware that there is simply no way you can truly share in the joy of those teenage kids and their peers. They are at a different station in life. You've already moved on past that, and it can never be recaptured.

With weddings and unmarried singles, it's more or less the inverse. The couple is at a different station in life that the single person hasn't yet reached and cannot identify with. For divorced singles, a wedding can be a painful reminder of mistakes gone by, and for widowed singles, it can be a painful reminder of what no longer exists. They often come in waves too. The wedding season can hang above you like a rainbow that is in plain sight but can't be grasped in your hands. Indeed, unless you happen to be in the wedding party as a groomsman, bridesmaid, or whatever, there can be a temptation to just skip it. I don't blame you. After all, why would you want to subject yourself to an environment where you will just walk away feeling empty?

Because, if you don't go, you will feel even emptier.

If you've been invited to a wedding, make every effort to go. Don't dwell on the fact that it seems foreign, and don't feel bad if you don't have someone to go with. The joy of a wedding stands well enough on its own. Remember that not everyone gets invited to a wedding, so the fact that the couple reached out to you specifically shows that they value you as a person and want you to share in their happiness. (At least that's the attitude you should have, even if you possess inside knowledge about other reasons why they are inviting you.) Don't go with the single intention of fulfilling an obligation or "meeting someone." Go to honor the couple. Go for the sake of marriage itself. Marriage is a dying institution in some respects, but there is still something about a wedding that provides a ray of hope when two people commit their lives to each other. At least that's what it is supposed to be. I know that there are all kinds of complicated scenarios where a wedding can be more of curse than a blessing. Maybe those kinds of weddings are better to avoid, but in that case it should be for external reasons beyond your own selfish desire to boycott weddings because you're bitter about not seeing marriage on your own horizon. Consider for a moment that life isn't always about you.

I could end this post right there, but I feel the need to expand upon one particular type of complication that may be in play when deciding whether to attend a wedding. What if you happened to have — let us say — a "history" with one or both of the people getting married? The history may be real or it may be imagined. Should you still go? Of course. And why should you if it will only magnify the pain you might already feel? Because for the human psyche, closure is key. If the history is imagined (for example, unrequited love) the wedding should give you a final reality check that the person is not into you, period. If the history is real (for example, a former relationship) there's something to be said about the fact that you were still invited. You may have been invited out of sympathy or you may have been invited out of spite, but either way, seeing with your own eyes that this is the end should help put it to rest. You can't hold on to old wounds forever. You need to put the past behind you and move forward, because otherwise it will constantly be a hindrance in your own quest to find someone that will put you on the wedding stage rather than in the wedding audience.