The definition of a "want" versus a "need" is pretty straightforward. A "need" is something you must have and a "want" is something you'd really really like to have. Okay, so those aren't the actual definitions from the dictionary, but that's the gist of it. The terms are often bandied about in business as a way of saying "We have limited time and money, we can't do everything, so tell us what we should do first and foremost." It is necessary to make this same distinction in life, too, because we also have only so much time and money, so we must prioritize and concentrate on what is most important.
But it isn't enough just to separate wants from needs — there are also different classes of wants and needs. In fact, there is probably a whole spectrum, but since I'm only writing a blog and not a book, I'm going to keep things simple. I'll separate wants and needs into just four categories: survival needs, basic needs, comforts, and luxuries.
Survival needs: These are the things you must have in order to live. And I really mean "live" — as in, if you don't have them, you will literally die. There is a very small number of items in this category: air, food, water, clothing...and that's about it. Actually, even clothing is debatable since there are warm parts of the world where you can go naked and still survive, but for the sake of generalities, let's just say those are our four survival needs. Easy so far, right?
Basic needs: Now it gets a little more complicated. Basic needs are things that humans can and do live without, but life is very harsh without them. This includes modifiers onto the survival needs — nutritional food, clean water, warm clothing — and several other things we consider essential to living a "normal" life, such as shelter, heat, sanitation, utilities, education, a source of income, etc. The bar tends to be higher or lower depending on the prosperity of the environment where you live, and this is where we sometimes see clashes with the category of "comforts." We'll get to that in a second, but for the purposes of our discussion, let's just say that a basic need is something you technically can live without, particularly in the short term, but a long period of deprivation could lead to a reduced life.
Comforts: Moving over to the "want" side, comforts are things we don't — well — need in order to live an ordinary life, but they sure do make life a heck of a lot easier. These are things like a steady source of income, private transportation (e.g. cars), cable television, an Internet connection, and a cellular phone. When you live in a privileged society, these sorts of things can seem like needs, but in reality, they aren't technically required for day-to-day life. In fact, this entire category may exist only in privileged societies; many poorer parts of the world do just fine without these things and would consider them part of the next category — luxuries.
Luxuries: A luxury is something that does no more than add pleasure to life, and you wouldn't be any worse off if you never had it. These are the things that even a prosperous society considers to be "wants." Lots of things fit into this category such as entertainment sources, recreational activities, an investment fund, and even basic needs or comforts taken to larger extremes (bigger houses, fancier cars, smarter phones, brand name clothing, dining out, etc.). As you move up the wealth scale, some of these luxuries may be considered as comforts, but even so, there is no dispute that they are still clearly on the "want" side of the fence.
Okay, so this analysis is all very interesting, but what does it have to do with the subject of this blog, which is the single life that goes on forever? Well, it is relevant, because how we respond to our singleness depends on where we place relationships — and romantic relationships, in particular — along this scale of wants and needs. So which category do they belong to?
Is a relationship a survival need? Though a popular Jordin Sparks song may suggest otherwise, even the most desperate would concede that a relationship is not essential to survival, but after that things get a little fuzzier.
Is it a luxury? I won't go so far as to make such a blanket statement, although I know several single people where a relationship is exactly that — a luxury — because their lives are so full of other stuff that dedicating the time to fostering and growing a relationship is just not feasible. I don't criticize those people either, because I can totally understand and appreciate that sentiment having gone through the same phase in my own life on multiple occasions. But my guess is that those folks probably aren't reading this blog either, since the words here are aimed at the ones who struggle with relationship desires, and have been so aimed since the very first post 17 months ago.
So, if a romantic relationship isn't a survival need, and it isn't always a luxury, where does it lie?
Is it a basic need? I think this is where a lot of chronically single people place it, but look closely. Can you really put a romantic relationship on the same level as shelter, heat, health, sanitation, utilities, education, a source of income, etc.? Or are these things slightly more important in the greater scheme? Recall that basic needs are items that you can live without, but it would be a harsh life. Is a life without a significant other so harsh? It might be a bit less pleasant or a bit emptier, but harsh? Really? There are a lot of other things that would be much worse to live without.
So where does this leave us? By now, you see that the answer is obvious. It's a comfort, and therefore a "want," not a "need." A strong want, perhaps, but a want nonetheless. And if it's a want and not a need, it means you can live without it. It doesn't mean you have to, but you are able to and therefore can relax even when you don't have it. A romantic relationship might make life more comfortable, but some would attest that it could also make life much less comfortable if you end up in the wrong place by misconstruing the want as a need that must be filled. It isn't a need; don't treat it as such.
But it is still probably something you want. Strive to get it, but don't panic if you don't.
