This is the fourth entry in a mini-series on the anticipation
phase of singleness — the time between when you make the mental decision
to get serious about finding somebody, and the time when you choose who
you want to start going out with. Anticipation, flirting, going on a few dates, is all about exploring what your options are. Once you make a relationship a serious goal, you will soon find that there are indeed a lot of options, and the more you put yourself out in the world among singles, the faster you will go from the point of no options to the point of too many options. Some options you will know to dispense with early on, but several others will actually stick, and you will end up with the good problem of picking among multiple options. So, how do you know which one is the right one? Like a message I saw in a fortune cookie once — sometimes the best choice is to choose all options.
Now, again, we're talking about the phase before you actually
start dating somebody officially. Once you are already in a committed
relationship, keeping your options open is no longer an option (unless
you're bucking for a breakup, but that's not what we're discussing
here). It is quite common to experience a cycle of meeting somebody,
getting along, getting attached, and then falling apart. The way you
cope with it is to have choices. Choices also keep you from getting too
deep too quick, which can worsen problems or create new ones.
Let me elaborate a bit on this point, because right off the bat, it might sound like a terrible idea. As a single person, you never want to be classified as just an "option." The tendency is to think that if somebody sees you as simply an option, then you should help them make their choice easier by eliminating yourself from contention. I even saw somebody post a statement to that effect on one of those fake Facebook groups with a long name which exist simply to unify a community around an idea. The irony, however, behind that position is that eliminating yourself as an option can only be a strong option when you already have many other options of your own.
Let's face it: it's very rare that the emotional floodgates burst the first time two people meet each other. More commonly, there is an element of time and patience as they get to know each other in more casual, safe ways before stretching into the romantic realm. Attitudes can and frequently do change during that time of...anticipation. It can be a change either towards or away from each other, and which person will change which way is a guessing game based on many factors, some of which you have absolutely no control over. Having other options at the ready makes it far easier to adjust and adapt if things don't develop the way you might have liked or expected with one particular person. The truth is, numbers will almost always play a role in determining who you meet. Putting all your eggs in one basket is unsound investment advice, and it is unsound relationship-seeking advice too.
So, don't be so quick to cling on to the first prospect you see. Expand your network, diversify your relationship portfolio, continue to make new connections, and think broadly. During the anticipation phase, I'd say that is certainly the case, until you find that one particular person which eliminates the need to have any other choice.
