We've spent the last four blog entries talking about anticipation. That is, you've started becoming serious about seeking a relationship, and now you're in the middle of the process of finding a person you want to have a relationship with. So, now what happens when you narrow down your choices to one? You get along really well, you are happy spending time in each other's company, you go on a few wonderful dates, and now you sense that you both want things to go to up a level. What's next?
Well, the answer is obvious, right?
YOU FREAK OUT!!
Yep. That emotion we all hate comes bursting out. You've been controlling it up until now, but it has finally bubbled to the surface. You become...afraid.
Very afraid.
And why is that? Isn't this what you have been looking for? Isn't this why you decided to go from being passive to being active in seeking out a relationship? Of course! So where is this fear coming from?
Is it fear of failure? That once you notch it up, the rejection will hit you like a ton of bricks?
Is it fear of success? That once you actually dive in, you won't live up to your own expectations?
Maybe it's a little of both.
Let's face it: change is scary. Always has been; always will be. And when you approach that moment in life when you are getting ready to shed the exploratory phase of singleness, you will be confronted with a big change. You will be standing at the threshold of the comfortable and the unknown, and you will start to look deep within and ask yourself if are you really ready for this kind of transition. Before, it was just a dream, but now, it is becoming a reality with real actions, real feelings, and real consequences. This is the point at which you will question how serious you really are.
The pressure mounts exponentially right here, and this is often the place where chronically single men and women get stuck. It is too much to bear, and the easiest thing to do is to retreat back into the comfort of non-commitment. It's the primal instinct of fight or flight, and fear is what drives many to flight instead of fighting through the doubts and the uncertainty and moving forward into the state of unloneliness that they inwardly desire.
Don't be one of those people. Think about what you really want, and overcome your fears by staring them in the face and saying that this is something you want badly enough that you are willing to deal with the risks. Look in the mirror, give yourself a pep talk, write your pledge down, and follow through by taking that one tenuous step across the boundary line.
(Sneak preview: My next few blog entries will be about that period where you're straddling the line with one foot in and one foot out, and how to get the second foot over the line to join the first.)
