When you've been single for a very, very, very long time, and you're getting sick of it, the last thing you want to do is talk about the very situation that causes you so much frustration. The problem is made even worse when certain people around you feel obligated to remind you of it on a near-weekly basis. It's not a state of denial where you can't admit your situation; rather, you are fully aware of the situation and feel oppressed by it. So, you make every effort to avoid broaching the subject, and if the topic ever comes up in conversation, you change the discussion, pretend you didn't hear it, or fire back with retorts of "leave me alone already!"
Unfortunately, though, avoidance is the worst coping strategy you can use, because eventually people will stop talking to you about it and go on with their lives, leaving you to struggle with your internal emotions all on your own. And like an airtight lid on a plastic container inside a microwave set at 100% power, the tumult in the depths of your being can lead to a complete and utter meltdown when you bottle it up for an extended period of time. (Did I just write that? Damn, that's good!)
Like that poor piece of Tupperware, every person needs to be able to vent the steam building within them, so talking about your frustrations with singleness, unfulfilled hopes, and the ticking clock can be a therapeutic exercise for the lonely adult. I'm not saying you make it the only topic of conversation, because then people will ask you to leave them alone, but you shouldn't shy away from talking about it. Talk about it with the people you love and trust the most among your family and/or friends. Talk about it to a spiritual adviser or guide. Talk to yourself about it while you take a long walk around the neighborhood. This is an especially good opportunity to call on the couples you started hanging out with after you read my tip #12, because they too were single once and shared the same frustrations, but they found a way out of it and can help you keep up your hopes through words of advice and encouragement.
Just don't be afraid to talk about it. It will help you deal with the feelings and sort out what you need to do and the attitude you need to have to continue onward.
8/31/2012
8/01/2012
Tip #23: Take on a long-term project
Continuing the discussion about permanence and stability for the single life that lasts forever, there are things you can do in the meantime while you are waiting that will keep yourself preoccupied and still give you that sense of settling in for the long haul. I'm talking about "projects," that is, long-term projects that take months or years to bring to fruition.
The kind of long-term project is up to you, and I've talked about some of them in previous blog entries (taking on new hobbies, for example). There are endless possibilities; it's just a matter of finding what interests you and what you can afford. Whether it's cultivating a flower, herb, or vegetable garden, reading or writing a grand novel, constructing a furniture piece, restoring a car or a boat, weaving a tapestry, solving a puzzle, composing a song, building an unusual collection, designing an art piece, or yes, even formulating a blog — the purpose is to get out of the transitory mindset that you could be jumping somewhere else any day. When you've invested considerable effort in something that is yet unfinished, you're more inclined to want to stay and see it through to completion. That's a good thing.
Seeing your project grow and develop surely provides a sense of permanence and even personal satisfaction, but projects also produce a secondary effect which is beneficial to the single adult. Long-term projects take patience and tenacity to make them successful. Relationships do too. Forcing yourself to stick with something for an extended period of time is a good way to sharpen those useful skills that might help down the road, should the road take you down there. It also helps fight boredom and frustration while you wait and wait and wait and wait and wait. It gives you some kind of goal to look towards, so that time doesn't seem to crawl as slowly as it does.
The kind of long-term project is up to you, and I've talked about some of them in previous blog entries (taking on new hobbies, for example). There are endless possibilities; it's just a matter of finding what interests you and what you can afford. Whether it's cultivating a flower, herb, or vegetable garden, reading or writing a grand novel, constructing a furniture piece, restoring a car or a boat, weaving a tapestry, solving a puzzle, composing a song, building an unusual collection, designing an art piece, or yes, even formulating a blog — the purpose is to get out of the transitory mindset that you could be jumping somewhere else any day. When you've invested considerable effort in something that is yet unfinished, you're more inclined to want to stay and see it through to completion. That's a good thing.
Seeing your project grow and develop surely provides a sense of permanence and even personal satisfaction, but projects also produce a secondary effect which is beneficial to the single adult. Long-term projects take patience and tenacity to make them successful. Relationships do too. Forcing yourself to stick with something for an extended period of time is a good way to sharpen those useful skills that might help down the road, should the road take you down there. It also helps fight boredom and frustration while you wait and wait and wait and wait and wait. It gives you some kind of goal to look towards, so that time doesn't seem to crawl as slowly as it does.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)