Tip #3: Foster a spontaneous spirit

spon·ta·ne·ous  (adj)  \spän-ˈtā-nē-əs\
1: proceeding from natural feeling or native tendency without external constraint
2: arising from a momentary impulse
3: controlled and directed internally : self-acting

In the online Merriam-Webster dictionary, the word spontaneous has six definitions. The first three are above, the last three all revolve around processes or events that happen in nature without human intervention (as in spontaneous combustion or spontaneous generation). I can't help but recognize the obvious connection between spontaneity and naturalness here.

Spontaneity is natural. When we're babies, we do things purely on instinct and impulse, but as we get older and take on more responsibility, that spontaneous spirit that we were born with starts fading away. We follow rules, create schedules, get jobs, bring more activities and people into our lives, and suddenly what was so natural at one time has become something we fear. We like our comfort zones. Deviating from the "plan" is burdensome and impractical. We have people who depend on us, tasks that must get done, places we must be. Decisions often involve more than one person. It's not always so easy to change your mind at the last minute to do something different just for the heck of it. Every action must have a purpose and requires consensus.

If there is one joy of singleness that outweighs all the others, it is that you don't need consensus to have a good time. You can change your plans at the drop of a hat. Let's say you're driving home after watching the air show on the weekend and decide to watch the sunset at the beach. Hang an immediate right and take the coast road. If, on the way back from the beach, you pass an Indian food restaurant and get a sudden craving after smelling that curry, go on in and grab it. If, after polishing off the last bit of kheer, you get the urge to sing, zip on over to the karaoke bar two blocks away. It's all up to you. There's no checking with the honey to see if she or he is in the mood, feeling well, likes the same food, or has to get up early the next morning. You have one and only one schedule to consult — yours.

I often hear married people lament about their single days when they had more freedom. So, if freedom is the thing that non-singles envy most, why not take the maximum advantage of it while you are still single? Find ways to tap into that spirit of spontaneity and fun. Try new activities that you've always wanted to try. Visit new places that you've never seen. Revel in the fact that you don't have to ask for permission or coordinate other schedules. Enjoy it now while you can, because if you ever do find that other person and build up a family, you may not have the same opportunity to just do something simply because you feel like doing it. Don't waste your limited time of freedom, holed up, sulking about how you don't have anyone to "share the experience" with. In truth, you may never get the chance to do some of these things once an "other" person is involved in the decision-making because they may not like it or have time for it.

Now, I realize that some single people, despite being single, may not have the luxury of being too spontaneous because of finances, job responsibilities, or family obligations like taking care of a child, parent, or pet. But one can still foster a spontaneous spirit, even if it has be done on a smaller scale. Call a college friend you haven't spoken to in years. Take your laptop out into the sunshine. Throw a mini-party for little Johnny with confetti, balloons, and a cake for just the two of you. Spend an afternoon with Grandma at the park instead of the living room. Take Fido for a run at the lake instead of the park. Plan your day with a pencil. Maintaining this attitude will help you deal with the drudgery that can set in when you're going through a long dry spell in the romance department. What's more, if that dry spell ever does end, a spirit of spontaneity can infuse life into a relationship and keep it continually fresh for a long time.