Surviving V-day

Many of us have experienced that one unpopular holiday that should be joyful but isn't. It could be the birthday of a loved one who has passed on, a Thanksgiving or Christmas spent away from family, or a New Year's Eve that marks the end of an era. For some singles, the unpopular holiday is the 14th of February. According to a recent Rasmussen poll, one in five adults in the U.S. actually dreads St. Valentine's Day. It's understandable. After all, the day of hearts and roses may be beautiful to those who have someone to celebrate it with, but to those who don't, it can serve as a cruel reminder of a past relationship that went to #@%! or the unending absence of a relationship. So, how should the single person deal with this annoying little day without throwing up or drowning in sorrow?

One way is to simply ignore it, as I'm sure many have done (myself included), but that only avoids the issue. The day provides an invitation to celebrate, and I think it creates a missed opportunity if you simply pretend it's just another day on the calendar. But how can you celebrate alone when the holiday is specifically set up to encourage celebration between lovers? Should you go on a spending binge, treating yourself to personal Valentine's day gifts like flowers, candy, clothes, jewelery, or — as I heard on a radio advertisement the other day — hair cell therapy products (I kid you not)? Should you spend the day purging every last remnant of your ex: deleting his/her old emails and texts, tearing up his/her cards, and burning remaining pictures of him/her in the fire? Should you cuddle up in your favorite chair with a pint of Ben & Jerry's reading your favorite romance novel? Those are all possible ways to celebrate, but they are also wrong ways to celebrate. They just enhance or try to disguise the bitterness of solitude. The right thing to do on V-day is to go on a date with the person you love the most — that is, yourself.

That's right — yourself. Recall tip #1 for coping with a single life that goes on forever? Love yourself. Go on a date with yourself. Find a nice romantic spot where you can be alone with you. Tell yourself what it is about you that makes you love you. Speak aloud if it is feasible, or if not, bring a journal or notebook to write down your love letter to yourself. This isn't narcissism; it's positive reinforcement of why you are such a wonderful person and why you are able to handle being single for the time being — because you provide such great company for yourself. Talk about your good qualities and how you are the best person for you. It may sound a little strange, but it is an important exercise to help you practice loving yourself. Make it an annual tradition, so even if you never find a special person to love you, you'll still always have that date with the human being that loves you most.