Tip #21: Give

Now that's a four-letter word you can say all day. "Give" is such a small word but packs such a big punch. It is so contrary to human nature. When we come into the world, we are focused on a different four-letter word: "take." The only time we utter the word "give" is when we say "Give it to me! It's mine!" "Take" is the attitude of a child, and some people never grow out of that. Learning to give (without preconditions) is a result of maturing.

What do you give? Whatever you have to give. You might think I'm talking purely about financial gifts, but giving money to church and charity is only one kind of giving. There are a lot of other ways to give that don't cost a dime. Give your time to help someone in need, be it a friend or a stranger. Give your talents to a place where they can be of use. Give your wisdom to a younger generation. Give hospitality to a weary soul. Give encouragement to a person in the dumps. Give a meal. Give a birthday card. Give blood. Give respect and patronage to the arts. Give whatever it takes to become a giving person by nature, because a giving person is a loving person.

The biggest obstacle a single person has to overcome is learning how to live not for himself or herself, but for others. Many a relationship is dashed on the rocks when there is an inequality of giving. "Give and take" is the cliched phrase, but that's just another way of saying both people have to give in equal measure. If one takes more than she or he gives, it isn't a healthy situation. Develop a penchant for giving, and your odds of initiating and sustaining a successful relationship improve dramatically. And give without the expectation of getting back, even though giving does inevitably bring rewards, be they tangible or intangible.

Now, know up front that you can't instantly transform from taker to giver in a day, week, month, or even a year. In fact, you won't ever be able to turn around and say "I nailed it!" It's a process. It won't suddenly find you a companion, and the truth is, it won't end even if you do find a companion. An attitude of giving takes many many moons to develop, and the process will continue until the day you die. But the good thing is, you can start the process at any time. Right now, if you wish.

So the question is: what can you give today?