Tip #19: Spend time with family

When you're single, it is important to have a support system. Oftentimes that comes from close friends, but even though your friends may be great, there is still a place for tapping into the support system you were born with — namely, your family.

Hold on! Family? Isn't that a given? For some it might be, but for many others it is easy to neglect putting in the time to keep those bonds strong. That could be either by choice or by necessity depending on whether the family situation is good or bad. One of the reasons why it took me so long to write this post is because family can be a polarizing topic and needs to be handled gingerly. Some people get along well with their families, and some do not. I'll touch on both below.

First, let's talk about singles that have a pleasant relationship with their families. Even if you live near or with your family, a busy life can quickly suck away the moments of quality time you should be spending with those that are closest to you. It is easy to take them for granted since they are, in effect, obligated to be a part of your life. But those relationships, like all others, require lubrication to keep them from rusting. It requires setting priorities on your time to make sure you keep the right balance between your inner circle and outer circle. If your family lives far away, it means putting effort into maintaining contact and even taking a vacation every now and again to see them. It is a good reminder to yourself that you are not alone and there are others that share your bloodline who care about your well-being (even if it's just hounding you about why you're not married yet). Make it a priority to keep your family involved in your life.

Now, let's talk about the flip side. Unfortunately, for some people, the word family conjures up memories that are not very fond. Broken relationships, violated trust, unhealed wounds, unsettled animosity...these are the scars that some have suffered as a result of the breakdown of the family structure. For singles that haven't started raising their own families yet, there is nothing to cover these scars, nothing to assure you that you have overcome these challenges and corrected the mistakes that shaped you. For singles that did have the chance to raise their own families, the fact that they are yet single means something didn't work out as hoped, and for that, the person may blame their own upbringing, adding pressure to the bruises that still persist years later. In light of this, is it worth revisiting the pains of the past when you are already dealing with the stigma of being alone? Should you still make the time to spend with family even in these circumstances?

You should, if possible.

Bitterness is one of the worst feelings to live with, and until those matters are settled, you will never truly be at peace. And if you are not at peace, it is hard to be optimistic about future relationships, romantic or otherwise, because there will always be this nagging feeling and stress about whether you risk repeating those mistakes that still gnaw at you to this day. Reconciliation is a great stress reliever, a salve to the soul. It doesn't necessarily mean convincing someone about who's right and who's wrong, because that may never happen. Rather, it is coming to an understanding about where each person is now, given what happened before and the irreversible decisions that followed.

Now, if this is your situation, I can tell you right away that this is a process and it isn't going to happen overnight. Given where everyone is at, reconciliation may not even be possible at this time (which is why I said "if possible" above). The issues may be years away from being resolved, but the goal shouldn't be completely thrown out the window. The timing has to be right and that involves maturing and growth on everyone's part. But little steps pave the way for bigger steps, and somebody has to make the first little step if it is ever going to reach a satisfactory conclusion. That first step may as well come from you. Perhaps you have tried and been rebuffed. Try again later. And if you get rebuffed again, keep trying. If anything, do it for your own peace and for your own benefit so that you can boil away the bitterness and live life as it should be lived.