Tip #15: Be kind to kids

As I mentioned in my last post, marriage and parenthood are often lumped together in the same category. They really shouldn't be; they are entirely different things. There are many many married couples who have no children either because they can't have them or don't want to have them. There are also many many parents who have children and are not married or even in relationships. In fact, this is (unfortunately so) becoming the norm today. We are far from the traditional days of first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage. But whether or not they see kids in their future, single people would do best to learn to be kind to kids.

Yes, kids may be cute and naive, but they can also be slobbery, annoying, obnoxious, temperamental, selfish, ungrateful, and precocious. It takes a tremendous amount of patience to deal with them, and for some, you really have to go out on a limb to even tolerate them, never mind be kind to them. However, that also happens to be the relational skill single people can learn from dealing with kids because — you see — in reality, kids are more or less powerless against adults. Sure, they may have a big attitude, but in most cases, they are smaller, weaker, and underinformed. That gives you a tremendous advantage. Choosing not exercise your power, and choosing to be kind instead, is a lesson in restraint and response that will serve well in a relationship. And you never know how many potential mates there may be around you silently observing how you interact with children. Those who want kids of their own some day are going to take note of your behavior and will likely weigh that factor when deciding whether to put you on the "yes," "maybe," or "no" list.

Before closing this entry, I must deal with one issue which can be disturbing, yet I feel needs to be addressed. Make no mistake, there is a stigma attached to singleness, and it sometimes rears itself in ugly ways. One such way in which this comes out is in singles' — particularly single men's — interactions with children. You may feel a silent distrust brewing around you — suspicion that kindness towards a child has some insidious ulterior motive. There are good reasons for this suspicion, because there are way too many sick people in this world. Even though there have been many a case where a married person was shown to be just as sick as a single person, my observation is that the single people tend to get the brunt of the distrust. If you feel this happening, respect it and disengage immediately. The fact that you have nothing but pure intentions is irrelevant at that point. You don't want to fuel any kind of suspicions, even if they are unwarranted. Just move on to where people feel more at ease. There will always be other opportunities to practice kindness towards the little ones.